Is it about control?

DH has been requesting his daughter’s insurance cards from BM for two months now. SD is not only covered by DH's insurance but Stepdad’s insurance AND Medicaid AND a supplemental insurance company. It has been excuse after excuse as to why he hasn't got a copy or duplicate yet. First it was that the doctor was listed wrong on the insurance. What does that have to do with the card? Am I just insane for thinking that the doctor listed doesn't have any effect on the actual card? Tonight’s excuse was that BM has requested a duplicate be mailed to HER so that she can give it to him. So, he has joint custody but the card has to be sent through her? Why doesn't she just give the insurance company his address and information so that he can be a contact as well? Or why can’t BM give us the insurance's name and WE will get our own card.

I often wonder if me getting mad about these petty, minor things are even worth the effort. Should DH have the same rights as BM? Why shouldn’t he???????? Why does BM have to have control over every single thing instead of truly co-parenting?

When I bring it up with DH he says I "just like to fight". Damn straight! I want to fight for his rights, fight for equality between the parents, fight for SD's needs. What would happen if something happened to SD and we didn't have her insurance information? We are going out of state this coming week so it is more important (to me) that we have that information. Feedback????? Advice??? Anything would be welcome!  

It's a Happy/Sad Day

Today is my 29th birthday. My dear husband (DH) woke me up this morning with about 8 Happy Birthday's, a bunch of kisses and a whole lot of hugs before he left for work. My mom called me. My stepdad (SD) called me bright and early. My grandparents called. ***They all live in a different state than I do.*** My two best friends called. My kids all told me happy birthday. I got a couple of birthday ecards, numerous texts and a bunch of fb posts. DH got me a cake and a pink rose with a FABULOUS card and the kids got me a funny card with a pot of flowers. Overall it was a pretty good birthday. So that was my "happy" part, why should I be sad?

Well, it is now 10:15 pm where my "dad" lives and I haven't heard from him. This is why I am such a strong believer in father's rights. I have an amazing husband who sacrifices so much to make sure his family is cared for and loved, would do anything for his children and has tried to be in his daughters life for 14 years but has been shut out, denied and make to feel like a crappy father when he is anything but.

My "dad", on the other hand, couldn't even take 5 seconds out of his day to send me a text. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely thankful for the people I have in my life. I know that there is nothing I can do to change my "dad" but I can't help but be hopeful that one day he will realize what an awesomely great daughter he has in me. Maybe that day will never come. Maybe it will be tomorrow. I don't know. All I do know is that sitting here writing this with tears streaming down my face, I wish all dads would be like my husband. Wanting to be a part of their child's lives. Remembering birthdays, holidays and special occasions. All I want for my birthday is to know I'm loved by the one and only father that I will ever have, to know that I am on his mind and for him to realize that even at the age of 29, it still hurts that he doesn't want to be a part of my life. I wish moms would look at the grown women of today, that didn't have their fathers in their lives, and realize the pain and hurt that they have. Girls need their fathers, they need their love, support, advice and attention. This is simply my point of view, being a girl, daughter, wife and mother.

Just thinkin'......

     I have been pondering what goes through a woman's mind when they divorce/break up with their "baby daddy" and why they try and poison their child's minds against the "other parent". If you have read my previous posts then you know that I am both a biomom and a stepmom. I don't remember being angry when my son's dad and I broke up. In fact, it was kind of a relief. I remember just wanting to get out of that relationship that was leading absolutely nowhere. Granted I was 16 at the time and 4 months pregnant, but I remember thinking "I am sad that we are breaking up but for my mental and physical health (being pregnant and emotional, he wasn't physically abusive) this is the best thing that can be done." I remember thinking "No matter WHAT happens between me and him, I would never keep my son and him from each other. I know what it is like to grow up without a father in my life and I want something different for my children." Needless to say, HE didn't want the same thing for our child that I wanted. Which makes me think (all the time) "Why do these moms who have children, do their damnedest to keep the fathers out of their children's lives? What goes on in their heads thinking that a child shouldn't have the love, support, time, physical and emotional support/care from both of their parents? Am I the crazy one to want my children (and the children of others) to have both parents in their lives?"
     I can only think of one answer: "No, I am NOT the crazy one. I am the parent that actually means "the best interest of the child" when I say it." A lot of people have twisted the phrase "the best interest of the child" into a financial meaning. Supporting a child is NOT just financial, it is emotional, physical, mental and financial. So why isn't there a standard for "Child Support" that ISN'T only financial? Financial should be last (in my eyes) because our society is one that tries to take care of each other. There are many programs (W.I.C., medicaid, TANF, ect) that will take care of the financial aspect of raising a child IF, AND ONLY IF, the parents are unable to do so and these programs should be used only in a time of dire circumstances and for a limited time, they shouldn't be used as a permanent solution.
    Children should not be used as a weapon against the other parent, a reason to have an income or an incentive to seperate parents from children for the state or court system (using the financial incintives that the states and court systems get for each dollar of CS money they are bringing in). When circumstances permit (location of both parents and the lack of abuse of any kind), 50/50 custody should be the norm, child support should be non-existant (in this case) and once the child reaches a certain age (12?) they should be able to decide on where/when they spend their time. None of this "The judge can listen to their optinion but will make the decision." BS. These are the child's PARENTS and the child's LIFE! If they want to spend more time with mom, let them. If they want to spend more time with dad, let them. PA, HAP and other child abuse should be STOPPED BY THE COURT SYSTEM! It shouldn't be ignored, it should be PUNISHED!

Here are two petitions, one to change the family court system and the other against parental alienation. Happy Wednesday!

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/make-changes-family-courts-and-child-suport-collection-agency/nWjl9f8X


https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/stop-parental-alienation-usa/n7l1tFHP

New

Just letting everyone know, I have started a different Facebook page. You can search "Being the other parent" or (I'm pretty sure) it is www.facebook.com/BTOPbeingtheotherparent
I'm on my cell so I can't seem to copy/paste the URL right. Thanks for y'all's support!!!!

It's not so important to know the law BUT your attorney should!

A couple of weeks ago our attorney put in a motion for modification of child support depending on the time sharing agreement. Since DH and BM came to an agreement in mediation over custody and since the agreement they came to didn't affect custody so much that it would change child support, the motion became BMs. BMs attorney was not prepared at all for trial (even though this was the third time BM had asked for a continuance). BMs attorney went in asking the judge for $800/ month for child support without any financial proof going off of what her client was requesting. BMs attorney didn't draw up any child support worksheets, never requested DHs income but because her client wanted it raised she was going to ask for it (which I think doesn't go over well with judges). BM said that DH brags to her about his income (lie). Long story short DHs attorney mopped the floor with BMs attorney, as did the judge. DHs attorney said it was fine with her and her client that CS stayed the same. The judge said there wasn't a substancial enough increase or decrease to support a change. Needless to say BMs attorney had no idea what was going on. I am extremely happy with the outcome. Does paying child support for a child who wants to live with you at least half of the time suck? Hell yeah it does. But at least we aren't paying more just because BM wants us to. So overall it was a good day. BM is already griping about it but then says "it's not about the money." Hmmm, well, you could've fooled me!  (***Look at my previous blogs on CS and custody and you will understand my P.O.V. on CS and why in this case I think that BM IS all about the money.)

My advice is: make sure your attorney is competent. Make sure your attorney knows the laws and is prepared for trial (even if it isn't their motion). The saying "You are what you eat" applies to this case except it should be changed to "You are who you hire." Be prepared to spend some $ if you are going to court. If you hire a "dumb" attorney, you will get "dumb" representation. Happy Monday everyone!!!!!!

Personal View on CS

I had a friend ask me today if I was against child support and this was my response:


Nope. I'm completely against BM taking DH to court for more child support when he is paying $600/month for one child, plus pays for her insurance plus 80% of anything not covered by insurance. Meanwhile, BM sold her business, is now a stay-at-home mom (which doesn't bother me because she can do what she wants BUT the state we live in is a dual income state so both parents income comes into consideration and by law she doesn't have to work unless the "parties" have a child under 6), she won't produce any of her income for the last 4 years because GUESS WHAT? She doesn't pay taxes and never has. And now she told her attorney that DH has been "rubbing his raise and paycheck" in her face. When in fact he hasn't "talked" to her in 6 months (all they do is email and text), she has been the one (and I have it recorded) telling him how busy she is at her work, how she is booked solid for 4 months in advance and how she has 4 weddings scheduled that she will bring in $300-500 for working each of those Saturdays and DH hasn't got a raise in the last year. I think child support should be a requirement BUT not an income. Especially when SD doesn't want to live with BM anymore, is only passing P.E. and one other class and has missed 36 classes so far this year...yet BM wants more child support for the kid that is on depression meds, has written two suicide notes and tells her cousins and friends that she would rather run away or be dead because she doesn't want to live with BM anymore because BM won't let her see us.
So, when a child is used against a parent just for money, then yes, I am against child support. When child support is actually used to support the child and not the mother, I am all for it. But when a mother wants to quit her job to stay at home with children who are NOT her ex's then she still needs to financially take care of the older one (especially when she quits her job to take care of younger children that she chose to have) and not want the dad to cover 100% of BM's needs while SD is missing school, failing and has suicidal thoughts over her living situation.


***I will add that SD is a teenager so the rule of not working does not apply to BM. And when I say "she still needs to financially take care of the older one" I don't mean BM should be the only one responsible BUT BM should do her part. DH didn't quit his job and stop paying CS just because he had kids with someone else. Would that have been acceptable? NO!