2. Flipping out over small things is BAD. Granted, what's "small" to me is "big" to BM. I have learned not to "flip out" over anything. Especially in front of the kids.
3. Sometimes it's best to SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH AND LISTEN! Your kids (once again, ESPECIALLY TEENS) want to talk to you. Ask a question or just strike up a conversation. I've learned that with SD (almost 15) if I just let her "go off" (foul language and all) I usually learn more than if I correct her profanity or say something. This opens up a whole new world into what SD thinks.
4. If your teen wants to live with the other parent, allow it! Put personal feelings aside. ***Unless your ex is a convicted child molester, convicted drug or alcohol abuser or has a massive history of violence.*** 9 times out of 10, your ex is NOT the same person as they were during your marriage/divorce. Believe me, your child(ren) will come to resent you if you don't.
5. Encourage your child to speak nicely about their other parent. When you show anger, hostility or contempt for the other parent, that's what you'll get in return from your child.
6. Medication (for your child(ren) and counselors will NOT solve your blended family's problems. I'm not bashing counseling or meds as a whole but working on yourself more than you work on your child(ren) could solve more problems than you think.
7. Never, ever, ever block your ex from accessing records, visitation or communication. ***If there is a court order blocking access, that's one thing.*** It's a whole new ball game when one parent thinks "I don't have to let my ex into my child's life."*** Even if you have sole legal custody, that doesn't mean the other parent doesn't have rights.
8. If your ex is working and their spouse has the child, CC your ex's spouse in any changes to schedules, doctors appointments, school activities, ect. ESPECIALLY IMMEDIATE ONES!
9. It's okay to dislike someone, just don't pull the two-faced card. Be nice for the sake of the kids but never hold your anger in for years and years and then let a third party express your feelings for you. Think of "co-parenting" like your job. You may not like your coworkers BUT you can work together to "finish the project".
10. Last, but not least, share. Share happy moments, sad moments, accomplishments, disasters, ect. with the other parent. Share time. Share feelings (hard to do with a narcissist since they will most likely use your failures against you in the future). The more you hide about your child, the more strain will be put on your co-parent relationship. I'm not saying to text/call/email the other parent each time little Suzy goes potty or Tim makes a basket but sometimes the little "shares" will show the other parent that you want them to be a part of the child(ren)'s life. A little appreciation and respect goes a long way.
These are just my little tidbits of information. Take them or leave them. I am in no way giving professional or legal advice. Just a stepmom hoping to make kids lives a little easier in a blended family setting.
