“Lyn” here, I am going to take you back in time to September 1999. I was 15, a sophomore in High School and met a guy. He was 21, had a job and also came with a soon to be ex-wife and 1 ½ year old daughter that lived in a different state.
*My mom was absolutely against our dating. Not only because of the age difference (although that was the major disagreement we had) but because he had already been married, divorced and had a child. Don’t get me wrong, my mom understood how it was to be a single mother. Sorry to out my mother but she has been married 5 times and 3 of them had “baby mommas" along with their drama. My mom thought I was too young to be involved with someone who had already “lived”. Looking back, I wouldn’t change any of it but I do agree with her. I grew up too fast.*
So back to “my” story, “this” guy, “Wayne”, was the absolute LOVE of my life. It was literally love at first sight for both of us. Although he didn’t want to jump into a relationship before he got back on his feet. It had been about 4 months since his “wife”, Ann, had kicked him out, filed for divorce and he had moved 7 hours away to be closer to his parents and siblings. Needless to say, he needed to “get his life together” before he jumped into another relationship, especially with the age difference. A month after we met each other his divorce was finalized. “Wayne” never received divorce papers, was never notified of any court date so he wasn’t present at the hearing. We dated for about 6 months before my mom put a stop to it. We both moved on but stayed in contact with each other. I was one of the “16 and pregnant” girls. When I was 8 months pregnant with “Joe’s” baby, “Wayne” and I got back together. A month after I had “Richard”, “Wayne” and I traveled the 7 hours to go see his daughter, “Casey” for the weekend. Two months after we returned we moved in with each other when “Richard” was 3 months old. Then 10 months after my son, “Richard”, was born I had my daughter, “Nicole” with “Wayne”. We got married when “Nicole” was 3 months old and I had just turned 18.
We made numerous trips to see “Casey” and “Casey” came and stayed with us. Phone calls were made so that “Wayne” could talk to his daughter. He might not have been in the running for “Father of the Year” but he did make an effort. In 2002, He received a package in the mail saying that because “Ann” had applied for assistance from the state they were taking him to court for back child support. When we traveled to his “home” state we went to the courthouse to get a copy of their divorce decree. We had never thought to get a copy of it to look over because “Ann” was being cordial and letting us see “Casey” whenever we could. When we got a copy of it, it said “Ann” had asked for and was granted “sole custody” because “Wayne” hadn’t shown up for court. The only sentence about custody states:
“Petitioner is a fit and proper person to have the care, custody and control of the minor child of the parties, subject to reasonable supervised visitation rights with the Respondent.”
The only sentence in the whole divorce decree about child support states:
“Petitioner is currently receiving AFDC, so child support is not an issue at this time.”
Looking at the whole file (in May of 2012) it was shown that “Wayne” had never been served papers, there wasn’t an announcement in the newspaper but there was a paper stating that the summons for court was delivered to an address in “Ann’s” town. There isn’t a signature for who was served the paper, “Wayne” wasn’t even physically in his “home” state and the paper that states someone was served was a format from a different state with the state marked out and his “home” state written in. When this was brought up in court we were told that the statute of limitations had been exceeded and there was nothing we could do to correct it unless we wanted to take “Ann” back to court for custody and file personal charges against her. Since “Ann” was being so cooperative with visitation we decided to just let it stay the way it was. We were 7 hours away and she was having to do most, if not all, of the parenting so it wasn’t a big deal to us that she had sole custody.
*****The informational part of my post today would be to make sure you take time out to go to the court house and look at the ENTIRE file of your divorce (if you had one) and your child custody/support case. Do not count on your lawyer (if you have one) to give you copies of all of the papers that are filed. Do not count on the courthouse, law enforcement or someone else to serve you copies of all of the papers in the file. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE TIME, ASK A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER TO GO FOR YOU!!! Most divorces/custody cases are PUBLIC RECORD.
Look up the statutes in your state AND with the federal government so that you know your rights. I have found that a lot of states do not give information about subjects in their State statutes because they are covered under federal statutes. The statute of limitation can be anywhere from 30 days to never and if there is falsified papers that were filed then you must point them out to your attorney or the judge before the statute of limitations runs out. Otherwise you just have to accept what was filed. Remember, it is easier to fix a problem while it is going on than to try and fix any errors after it is filed away. If you are changing the oil on your car you will usually check the water, filters and wires to prevent any additional work later down the line. It’s the same with custody/child support/divorce. Don’t put it off. *****
Thanks for reading! I will have another post in the next couple of days or week. Happy Tuesday!!!! J
